I can tell you from my experience and the experiences of my clients, when you allow yourself to see the beauty in ashes, you can begin to share yourself in ways that not only empower your communication, it empowers you to thrive in new and glorious ways.
I used my past heartaches as places to empathize with others and help them to get over (instead of under) their heartaches. One of the stranger outcomes of a heartbreak was getting to changing schools. I saw it as a chance to be whomever I wanted, and I wanted to be a strong, confident, social butterfly (none of which would have described me previously). My first order of business: join the debate team and try out for the school play.
I succeeded at both of those and each afforded me a number of other opportunities, including winning two international speaking contests. I channeled my past into something beyond what I thought I could do and articulated that aspiration – first to myself, then to others.
I can see now that the experience (and many others) was for my good and prepared me to accept the many opportunities I would have never acknowledged let alone attempted.
Take a moment list your heartbreaks, setbacks, disappointments. The things where things profoundly went wrong for you and the outcomes of those experiences.
Once finished, look at that list again and consider the lessons you learned from those experiences. Being aware of these lessons is a strong step in the direction of authentic communication. Once you are able to share these lessons to your inner self, without judgement, shame, or guilt, you are ready to start sharing the lessons in your communications (without necessarily disclosing the experiences) with a degree of connection that will make you magnetic to others.